She looks at him, the time between them stands still, lengthening. Has seconds really turned into minutes, perhaps even hours? She’s wondering now if he’s still thinking the same things about her as he once said. Words that he truthfully told her, things that she can’t believe ever came from his mouth. It was easier without them, yes, but it’s what she wanted to hear Afterwards she laughs at herself. Is it what they always say, be careful what you wish for?
He looks at her, she’s beautiful, and he wonders how he was ale to be away from her for so long. Her blue eyes look right at him, and he feels as if he needs to sit down if not just for a second; she’s knocked him back. God, what was he thinking, adolescent make the mind absent? Now he’s jealous as she said she would be, but there’s no reason for her to be, not yet, maybe not ever. He so badly wants to brush his hand across her check, kiss her perhaps, but he settles for a friendly embrace. He holds her tight as she does him, and he touches hr hair, and she whispers something to him. A comment about how good it is to see him again. To her he feels inviting and strong, holding her.
When she pulls away from him she smiles, but they don’t let go of each other. Each of them says something, but neither of them know what words have actually come out perhaps nice to see you, you look good, or maybe even I want you? They’re too busy looking at each other to even really care.
How many years has it been?
They wonder, but don’t calculate the time, it’s not important. The only time that is important is then and there. Both of them feel young just like it was before, the time when they were alone together. It wasn’t much, should have been more, but regretting takes up too much precious time. None of that is needed. There is only so much time left before he has to leave again, before she’ll return to her life, a life without him. They’ll talk , and he'll hear her laugh, something he has never forgotten, and she’ll remember the nodding of his head as she talks about the past. They reminisce about each other, and what they remember, smiles, laughs, and even movements, and a day, a drive, slipping closer to him like he wanted. It was sweet, a flirting that made her smile. Then he kissed her, and she thought about him alone that only he would ever make her feel whole or make those butterflies dance in her stomach. That night it was dark, the light was how crazy she was for him. Again he feels the fool, and she feels overwhelmed, almost like clinging to him as if it will make more time. It’s about her though, and he makes sure of it.
When they part, it’s all over. Not their friendship or their feelings for each other, but the day is done their time together is over. To each other no one will fill that place. There’s something between them and its more than just distance. She tells him to close his eyes, and he’s reluctant, joking with her, but he does, he’ll always do what she asks. She kisses him. God, it’s a sweet reminder, the touch of her lips on his. It’s a kick in the gut, his regret, and when she pulls away he looks at her. Neither of them say anything about the kiss, and he know it will remain another unspoken connection between them. No on will have me like you do; no one will have me, only you.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
She Lives Perfectly- Meeting the Anti-Hero
Alas, I will have to suspend the writing of the rest of my story. For I have to be truthful, it's not just mine, but my husband's as well. One day though, it will all be on paper, the honest truth about our stubbornly beautiful true love. For now, I will post what I have...and then wait for my co-producer.
Spring had come in full bloom by then, and she got up in his truck, feeling the heat rush to her face. Of course, from emotions more than the atmosphere. She was a skinny girl, and it didn't take long from the heat on her face to wash over her body. The slam of the door caught her attention and she smiled, feeling him beside her. The roar of the truck as he turned over the key made her laugh ever so slightly and by God, she was so nervous. Had she really looked him over till just recently?
He was, built to be admired, though she wouldn't fully understand the extent of how he was built until later. She loved teasing him, putting her hands to his chest, so she could feel the strength within his muscles. He was a football player and an avid sportsman. There was something about him that drew her closer and yet, kept her at an arms length. He smiled at her and she thought, "my God, I am all he thinks about. He really cares for me, yes, he wants me".
They had spoken quite often, in Biology class together, and a few times in English class, but it was mostly that second hour of class that they really seemed to connect. However, that was last year and it was a new year of school, so close to being over with their high school lives. There was a wild ride a head of her and she didn’t even have the slightest clue. They began down the dirt roads and a few paved, and she was feeling like the prettiest girl alive. Ah, that high school crush and the relationships that seem like the world.
Spring had come in full bloom by then, and she got up in his truck, feeling the heat rush to her face. Of course, from emotions more than the atmosphere. She was a skinny girl, and it didn't take long from the heat on her face to wash over her body. The slam of the door caught her attention and she smiled, feeling him beside her. The roar of the truck as he turned over the key made her laugh ever so slightly and by God, she was so nervous. Had she really looked him over till just recently?
He was, built to be admired, though she wouldn't fully understand the extent of how he was built until later. She loved teasing him, putting her hands to his chest, so she could feel the strength within his muscles. He was a football player and an avid sportsman. There was something about him that drew her closer and yet, kept her at an arms length. He smiled at her and she thought, "my God, I am all he thinks about. He really cares for me, yes, he wants me".
They had spoken quite often, in Biology class together, and a few times in English class, but it was mostly that second hour of class that they really seemed to connect. However, that was last year and it was a new year of school, so close to being over with their high school lives. There was a wild ride a head of her and she didn’t even have the slightest clue. They began down the dirt roads and a few paved, and she was feeling like the prettiest girl alive. Ah, that high school crush and the relationships that seem like the world.
P.s. photo is of my uncle Gene and Aunt Rose (they are in a better place)
Friday, October 17, 2008
She Lives Perfectly - You Think You Know
I don't suppose there is anything that would make this time any easier, being away from him day in and day out. It's only months, not likes it's years. Not like it's centuries apart from each other where we find each other again after many long tumultuous years like in a fancy romance novel. Of course there is something about our love that often reminds me of a romance novel and I smile at that thought of my husband as prince charming. And he is, my prince. It was years between us finding each other again, not centuries of course, I don't think i could have survived centuries without him. He's perfect. He's perfectly lovable and stubborn and he has a smile that lights up a room. Of course, he has a sense of humor that makes me wanna strangle him sometimes, in love of course.
It's usually hardest at night. It's then that I have to crawl into the cold covers alone, feeling nothing but air next to my feet and what's the body beside me? It's not human, but a pillow that I sometimes roll on to, as if to give myself the sense that I am not alone. I'm not, not really in the spiritual sense, but when my human emotions kick in, I feel horribly alone. It was just yesterday, while lying in bed, that I thought of how he would be home soon and our daughter would be turning two. I smile and then feel bad and then smile again at the thought of her with him, wrapping him ever so gentle around her pinkie. Ha, that rough and tough man has his world wrapped into two children and a wife, how different from his earlier goals in life.
You wouldn't imagine the story of the anit-perfect man (reminds me of an anit-hero) and the girl he fell in love with, back in the small town that sophomore year of school. I can't begin to get into his mind, but as a woman, I imagine him loving her at first sight. That girl who was so unhappy to be in a new school away from the one that had offered her so many opportunities, or so she thought. I think back to that girl now and think, how lucky you are? You didn't know the love of your life had looked at you, in that small school you disliked so much. AH, the opportunity I could have missed, that man I am in love with, devastated to be away from and yet, here I am again, away from him, my heart devastated but my will strong.
I thought I knew what I wanted and I thought I knew all about the world I was going to learn. Truth is, looking back, I hadn't the first clue about myself. I met him and hadn't the slightest clue he had his eyes on me. It wasn't until years later that I heard from our mutual friend that he was interested in me, and followed us around to gain but a second of attention. I'm sure my sweet husband would laugh at that bit of information. I beleive the words were, "followed around like a lost puppy", and yes those are not my words. I couldn't imagine my sweet husband as a lost puppy, a confident bull dog maybe, but puppy, I laugh at the thought.
So the story of two unlike and yet so likely lovers begins. What follows may have happened and maybe not, but the feelings, the love is real. The other half of this relationships knows what has happened back in our younger days better than I do. He comes up with more memories than I know are true or false. Of course, my sweet baby wouldn't lie to me and I know that, so I blush when he tells me of things I did or didn't do of the way he felt back then. He fell for her then she fell for him then he ran away, not literally, but emotionally and mentally and she moved on, or did she?
It's usually hardest at night. It's then that I have to crawl into the cold covers alone, feeling nothing but air next to my feet and what's the body beside me? It's not human, but a pillow that I sometimes roll on to, as if to give myself the sense that I am not alone. I'm not, not really in the spiritual sense, but when my human emotions kick in, I feel horribly alone. It was just yesterday, while lying in bed, that I thought of how he would be home soon and our daughter would be turning two. I smile and then feel bad and then smile again at the thought of her with him, wrapping him ever so gentle around her pinkie. Ha, that rough and tough man has his world wrapped into two children and a wife, how different from his earlier goals in life.
You wouldn't imagine the story of the anit-perfect man (reminds me of an anit-hero) and the girl he fell in love with, back in the small town that sophomore year of school. I can't begin to get into his mind, but as a woman, I imagine him loving her at first sight. That girl who was so unhappy to be in a new school away from the one that had offered her so many opportunities, or so she thought. I think back to that girl now and think, how lucky you are? You didn't know the love of your life had looked at you, in that small school you disliked so much. AH, the opportunity I could have missed, that man I am in love with, devastated to be away from and yet, here I am again, away from him, my heart devastated but my will strong.
I thought I knew what I wanted and I thought I knew all about the world I was going to learn. Truth is, looking back, I hadn't the first clue about myself. I met him and hadn't the slightest clue he had his eyes on me. It wasn't until years later that I heard from our mutual friend that he was interested in me, and followed us around to gain but a second of attention. I'm sure my sweet husband would laugh at that bit of information. I beleive the words were, "followed around like a lost puppy", and yes those are not my words. I couldn't imagine my sweet husband as a lost puppy, a confident bull dog maybe, but puppy, I laugh at the thought.
So the story of two unlike and yet so likely lovers begins. What follows may have happened and maybe not, but the feelings, the love is real. The other half of this relationships knows what has happened back in our younger days better than I do. He comes up with more memories than I know are true or false. Of course, my sweet baby wouldn't lie to me and I know that, so I blush when he tells me of things I did or didn't do of the way he felt back then. He fell for her then she fell for him then he ran away, not literally, but emotionally and mentally and she moved on, or did she?
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